jc@blgspt

I just read your blog, I'm not home. I won't be home in a while. I hate that were like this, this isn't the post I was talking to you about last night. It was a different one that I will post up whenever I get to go on the computer. Right now, I'm on a cell phone. I needed to post up a post right now. I was feeling so crappy today, this whole day because of you! I hate the fact that we ended up like that last night. I want us to be the way we were before. I wish I can see you before I leave on wednesday, I want you to call me tonight so we can talk about this whole thing! This is killing me! This is making me go nuts right now! Its really stressing me. I barely got any sleep last night because of how hard I cried. I know I sound retarded right now complaining telling everyone how I feel about one person. I know I may sound like that I'm a cry baby but hey, I'm very emotional because I do not want to get hurt again and I don't want you to get hurt again either. Bascially, I love/hate you.

I love the way you talk to me, you make me feel so on top of the world.
But I hate the way that we can barely talk right now.
I love the way that whenever were together, I feel like I'm in another whole world with you.
But I hate the way that we live far from each other.
I love the way that you make me feel like I'm the shining star and what not.
But I hate the way that how we fight, you make me feel like fucking dirt.

I have more ways to say how much I love you and also how much I hate you but I really don't hate you I'm just really paranoid about this whole fucking shit. I understand how you reacted to what you saw, cause I know that I would've reacted the exact same way but maybe even worst. But babe, you shouldn't have reacted like that because you know how much I love you. I know nothings happening right now but I already told how I feel about you. And I'm falling so hard. Honestly, I never felt like this about anyone before, well about a guy. I really don't know why. I'm starting to break out as well, my dad says it's because I'm in love, pft. Doubt that. It's just all this fucking stress I'm dealing with right now. I saw your blog, I read your past blog, about your ex. It made me think, a whole lot. I thought about that what if I don't deserve you? What if your too good for me? Etc.. I feel like I can't top her, I feel like she's better. Obviously right? But I'm trying, I'm not gonna change myself. Like me for who I am, if not then your a jerk. I actually feel like I can be myself around you! Act like my self and not pretend to be like someone else or be "fake". I want you to tell me everything that's on your mind right now. Tell me what's your thinking about on this whole bullshit. I thought I was your diary? I guess not. Yknow that whenever I'm upset, I usually end up telling you and yesterday, you would not budge until I broke down.. But It's your choice, you don't have to tell me everything that's going on in your life, but it would be nice to update me and tell me what's happening so that I know because I react. I'm gone for the rest of this week, I guess yoru glad, that no ones there to annoy you, no one will call you to bother you no more, you don't have to call anyone. So your good. Have fun :) I know this is one whole fucking blog. I hope you know, I threw my phone on the floor last night and my ipod on the floor and I almost broke it because I was so upset. Doesn't matter anyways, soft. But whatever, I'm probably not gonna post another one from time because I'm leaving for three days. Hooray for you right? Don't miss me too much..? I guess that's all I wanna say right now, I've got plenty more but I want you to call me so we can talk okay? I guess I'll be leaving. I won't bore you anymore, I know you probably won't care, I know that you might be too busy to even read this but whatever, I can wait? K, bye.