let it all out.

⇨September 13, 2009

For the first time, I'm actually starting to feel that special feelings other people have found already. I thought I'd never find it now, like maybe later on in the year but maybe I did or maybe its just fooling me. Hopefully I'm wrong and I'm actually feeling it. I'd want to tell you, I wish I can just call you up one day and express how I truly feel but it's hard. The only way I can express myself to you right now is by this, by blogging. How coward of me right? I know were not at thaat stage yet, but hopefully one day we will. I'm scared of losing you, now that school started and our communication is going wrong now I'm scared you'll lose feelings. No matter what happens, I still want you. I don't want to lose you to some next chick to do what she'll do again, I don't want any other chick doing what your other ex's have done. I know I haven't been in a serious relationship before, but I want you to be my first. I'm actually saying that, I'm never like this. I wouldn't give a damn about this type of shit, but right now I'm actually going all crazy about us, about you! I don't know why I am, maybe i'm just fooled or whatever. Who knows, hopefully this whole thing will turn out into something even better! I want to know how you exactly feel too. I'm here right now, sounding all stupid and corny and what not expressing how I feel to the world, not only to them but to you! I wish I can tell you this in person, but the feeling was getting to me. I can wait, I can wait til next summer maybe, but I just can't wait that long just to tell you how I feel. There's not one day that I don't think about it, I get mad pissed cheesed if we don't talk at least once a day. You should know, I vented to you about it last night, lol. I don't know how to show you how I truly feel, I don't even know how YOU feel. You might be putting up an act, maybe your feeling the same way as me, who fucking knows. When I vent to people about this, they tell me not to give up cos your a true guy. I'm actually listening to people for once, usually if I'm feeling a guy and I'm not sure about it, I just drop it, no wait, them! If I feel like they don't feel the same way, I leave it. I forget about them and just stay as friends. But for you, I really want you, I really was "us" to happen. Right now it feels like we are "one" but we really am not. I hope you know what I'm trying to say right now. I'm not giving up til I know what's really going on here. I want you to tell me, tell me everything on what your feeling about this whole thing, about me. Honestly, I feel so stupid right now writing this shit because what if I pour my heart out saying what I want to say, and then I hear the total opposite of what I want to hear, that will fucking suck! I know right now your not home, why do we live so far from each other? If I had a choice, I'd move closer to where you are. Just to spend time with you everyday. You don't understand how much I miss you. I guess that's all I have to say right now, I'm just gonna keep letting it out whenever I feel like I want you to know something. But all I want you to know right now is that, I love you <3 remember, I'm "different" right? just like you said.